Either way, it gave me something to blog about. LOL.
Friendship isn't judged this way. For me at least.
A true friend is one that you know that when you're in trouble, you can simply pick up the phone and call him/her, despite how long you haven't spoken to each other.
A strong friendship, isn't judged by how often you communicate, how often you show your affection or how often you spam their emo statuses. True, you must let others know that you appreciate them and you're not taking them for granted. Yet, a strong friendship need not need security through actions,because both of you can actually feel the bond there already, the trust is there.
For me, a true friend is someone who says,' If you ever need someone to listen to you, I will be here.'
Some people, will just choose to watch silently, caring from far away. He/she might not comment on your status, but it doesn't mean he/she isn't reading it or keeping up to date on your latest life progress.But he/she will definitely be there when you're in need of someone, a shoulder to cry on.
Guardian angels, perhaps?
Maybe I just like to do things differently.
A friend did something for me recently. I am really grateful and touched till this very day. It's really one of the biggest thing someone ever did for me. She sacrificed her time, her money and dropped everything for my sake, simply because she knows how badly I needed a break. I was at the edge of suffering a major breakdown and she saw that right through me.
I asked her,' Why are you doing this for me?'
She merely answered, ' Cause I know you, mei chien. I understand you and I can't just let you be.'
One of those times when I feel I do not deserve a friend like that.
I know many others have done similar things for me. I am aware of that. Even just something simple like buying me chocolates really cheer the inner me, although I might not say it out loud.
But to be fair, I am a selfish person. It does not mean that I do not care. But truth is, I'm too selfish till I let my emotions overpower me. It's hard for me to be there for someone when my emotions are eating myself up. When I'm having trouble sleeping, when I'm bothered by something, when I am just mentally tired, I find it difficult to spare some thoughts for others. This I apologize, I will not use it as an excuse.
When I told her that I'm a sucky friend, she replied, ' Then do something about it.'
I have always been this way. I know that I risk losing many good friends. The theory part of things are always easy to understand, but it gets difficult when it comes to application. Same goes for me.
I am far from a good friend. And I deserve it if my friends start being cold to me. I will only put the blame on myself.
I really am not an easy person to understand. I know, that no one can read my mind and it is my responsibility to tell my thoughts to others in order for them to understand the reason behind my actions. Yet, at times, I prefer to keep it to myself. I do not feel the need to clarify myself. I prefer to remain my silence. Not everyone can approach me, really.
I told my friend that I am complicated and hard to understand. She answered, ' No mei chien you're not. When you're hyper and happy, I can read your mind. But when you start being emo and depressed, then I really don't know what you're thinking.'
To end my blog post, I just want to send a message to my friends out there,
If you ever need a person to be your ears, if ever you scroll through your phonebook and do not who to call, do not hesitate to click on my name. I will try to be your listener. I would love to receive a call from a long lost friend, if i'm not too busy of course. =)
I apologize for not being a good enough friend to you. I am sorry if you feel that I am not your true friend. If that's the case, I really do not feel the need to clarify, as mean as it sounds, I really don't.
Take care babe. =)
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