When I was just a little girl, I asked my mother,
What will I be?
Will i be pretty?
Will I be rich?
Here's what she said to me.
Que sera sera,
Whatever will be, will be,
The future's not ours to see,
Que sera sera,
What will be, will be.
- Doris Day ' Que Sera Sera' -
A sweet song about the future.
The future. It never fails in making us wonder, leaving us with doubts. Always questions, but never answers.
A year before this, it never crossed my mind that I will end up where I am right now. Sometimes, when I take a look back in the past, it never fails to amaze me. The future certainly has it's fair share of surprises for me. I have done things I told myself I will never do, my mind and perspective on things took a turn around.
We've come across crossroads, where one wrong decision will leave us filled with regrets for the rest of our life. Such a big impact, scary in it's own way, a nightmare for some. That is why, I am no fan in making huge decision, where the responsibility and burden it holds is too heavy for me.
Soon, I will be faced in such dilemma again. High school life was easy, as I happily accepted whatever that was thrown to me. Lower secondary, there was PMR to aim for. Upper secondary, there was SPM to strive for.
They say, ' You will know it when you know '. However, I never seem to know anything. I secretly envy and admire those who seem to just know what they want in life, what they want to be in the future. Almost already 18 years of my life spent, yet I never seem to uncover any hidden talent or interest in anything. It's like being in the middle of everything, neither liking it or hating it.
Loving money and dreaming to be filthy rich someday, I thought, hey maybe I can be an accountant. Thus, a drastic change in the subjects I took. From a pure Science student, now an Art student, I am still left undecided of what I want to be in the future.
Friends, acquaintances, told me that my personality does not suit an accountant. True in a way i guess. But, what is my true personality anyway? Am i bubbly? Am I emo? Am I antisocial? Am I difficult to deal with? Different people has different opinions on me. Which do i follow? Many has suggested me to major in Law. Even a lecturer here did! And that is a suggestion that i will consider deeply. As for accountancy, I might rule it out after all, but not merely because everyone told me to.
A friend of mine told me this the other day, " You are not born to be good in anything, but you learn to be good in it" ( if you are reading this, thanks for all those advices! =) ). No matter where I end up in the future, whether I am living my dream life, or dreading to go to work everyday, it is where I will be for the rest of my life. And only the the future me truly knows.
A lifetime decision is made in a split second.
Just like everyone out there, I hope I will make the right one.
