I've realized how much happier I am since the day I met you.

It's lovely, having someone to take care of me.

Having someone to make me laugh when I'm crying.

Talking to someone on a daily basis on the phone.

I have successfully distracted myself and I am pulling myself up again.

I hope that our friendship will not end here.

You may not know it, but you helped me a lot. Without everything you've done for me, I will still be equally miserable.

=)

December

December marks the end of a year. It's been a long, unhappy year for me.

December also marks the coming of my finals, and remind me that my first semester is coming to an end.

December marks the beginning of a new journey for me.

=)

The start of my AIESEC experience...

I joined AIESEC with not much plans in my head. In fact I barely knew what it was about. It was introduced by a friend back in matriculation so I was like, oh well just give it a try for fun! And most importantly, English is used as the medium of language.

I paid RM5 and went for their introduction day. It started off with so much spirit I was kinda fascinated. haha. Imagine walking into a hall in darkness and people beside cheering and clapping with loud music blaring in the background. You don't get to do something like that everyday. Next, came dancing! lol! I guess till today that's my 2 favorite things in AIESEC - the cheering and square dances! =D oh i forgot to mention that those AIESECers looked very professional in their suits and formal attire. Very good first impression. Anyway, in short, I actually found the sessions to be a bit boring towards the end but the one thing that set my mind into joining AIESEC was the final sharing by an alumni. I was blown away by his experiences in AIESEC and signed up for their chitchat session.

I didn't attend their Emergence Day where they introduced the various departments due to another event. Anyhow, I went to their first meeting. In the beginning, I was truly disappointed as it didn't really meet my expectations. I couldn't find my sense of belonging and I already had the thought of quitting. But I thought I should just keep giving it a chance, at least for one semester. So I continued..

Next came the interview for their Team Member Program where we will be assigned into departments. I took it up as a challenge and just went for it, not knowing what departments I had in mind. What i didn't expect was the formality and toughness of the interview. It was a great practice for real life job interview. It went quite smoothly I guess and I did what I did best - crap with confidence. LOL! and when the results came out, I was assigned with a department I was totally clueless about - Junior Executive of Corporate Relations. I didn't quite like the idea of it's functions to be honest. Calling and meeting companies and such. Still I hung on...

Next came - LLDS ( Local Leadership Development Seminar)! It was during my mid term break and I had to sacrifice 3 days of my holidays for it. Somehow, I ended up signing up for it. And it's not a decision I regretted. Honestly, I was bored and regretting already at the start of it. Eventually, I stared getting carried away by the originality of their activities and the people there especially the facilitators that were super awesome! I realized that in AIESEC, not only you are able to polish various skills but you will meet true friends there. I learned a lot, had fun and had more friends at the end of it. By the last day, the camp already went beyond my expectations and I have a clearer vision on what AIESEC is all about.

Back to my department, I really did not enjoy being a part of it. I was hesitating whether to quit or not as I did not find that satisfaction that I've been looking for. I just simply dislike the idea of calling unknown people. Once again, I hung on. LOL! I seem to say that a lot. Anyhow, unexpectedly, I believe it was due to the stimulation in LLDS and my understanding manager, I am actually starting to find a liking for it. I believe deep down through this department, I will learn a lot and by the time I graduate, I would be someone different and prepared for my working life. Besides, I have found great friends there! =D


Back to the present, the next event that will be coming up is MyLds, a national conference that will be held in UKM next year. For unknown reasons and for the fun for it, I signed up for the interview for their Chief Delegate Team. Honestly, I didn't take it quite seriously. Since it is such a huge event, I was just contented with a small role in it and I so did not want to apply for the Chief Delegate position. I simply did not have the confidence and it is such a huge responsibility. Can't really picture myself handling everything. I rather let someone else have that headache. XD As for the other positions, I just didn't have the talents required.  The night before it, I even stayed up till 5am watching prison break and felt so awful the next day. Went to class. Slept in class. And went for the interview without much preparations.

What I didn't expect today was when they announced the results...

CHIEF DELEGATE??!!

oh nooooo...

I freaked out. I was worried. What if I screw this? What if I disappoint everyone? What if in the end everyone thinks that I'm the worst leader ever?

I don't know what is going to happen next.

What I do know that this, is the beginning of the AIESEC experience that I have been looking for.

A hole

I have this new perspective regarding relationships.

Being in a relationship is like digging a hole.

Sure, at first, you can still see the light, feel the fresh air and you're in fact actually enjoying doing it. 

As time passes by, the hole gets deeper, and not to forget, darker as well. Problems start arising. Paranoia. Trust issues. Everything becomes suffocating. You can't breathe. You feel the need to get out. You fall and you get hurt. And the longer you are in a relationship, the deeper the hole gets. If things unfortunately didn't end well, you will need a hell lot of time to climb out, searching for the lights again.

Watching my friends around me breaking up with their boyfriends/girlfriends. I can't help but feel that sometimes, relationships seem pretty meaningless. You hurt yourself and you hurt others too. I mean it's great to love and be loved, it's truly a great feeling. But.. is it worth it? It's complicated. Happiness entwined with deep sadness. 

As for me at this moment, I have a long healing process more to go and I am only starting to find myself again. Therefore, I shall stay on the ground and enjoy my fresh air and the view. teehee~

It's time to change.

When I'm unhappy or depressed or sad, I will have eating disorder.

Not bullimia or anorexia.

I skip meals. And when I start eating, I eat A LOT.

Basically i can not eat breakfast and lunch and when it comes to dinner, weee~~ i will eat yummy yummy foods!

Have you ever?

Sometimes it's wrong to walk away, though you think it's over
Knowing there's so much more to say,
And suddenly the moment's gone, and all your dreams are upside down, and you just want to change the way the world goes round, tell me

Have you ever loved and lost somebody, wished there was a chance to say I'm sorry,
Can't you see, that's the way I feel about you and me, baby,
Have you ever felt your heart was breaking, looking down the road you should be taking,
I should know, 'cause I loved and lost, the day I let you go.

Can't help but think that this is wrong, we should be together,
Back in your arms where I belong,
And now I've finally realized, it was forever that I've found,
I'd give it all to change the way the world goes round, tell me

Have you ever loved and lost somebody, wished there was a chance to say I'm sorry,
Can't you see, that's the way I feel about you and me, baby,
Have you ever felt your heart was breaking, looking down the road you should be taking,
I should know, 'cause I loved and lost, the day I let you go.

Don't even want to hear you say, that you know just how it feels,
To have it all and let it slip away, can't you see
Oh and though the moment's gone, I'm still holding on somehow, 
Wishing I could change the way the world goes round, tell me

Have you ever loved and lost somebody, wished there was a chance to say I'm sorry,
Can't you see, that's the way I feel about you and me, baby,
Have you ever felt your heart was breaking, looking down the road you should be taking,
I should know, 'cause I loved and lost, the day I let you go

I'm broken you know.

Here am I. Crying alone. All over again.

I need more tissues.

Am I good for anyone, or anything at all?

Nothing but a pretty face.

Rotten beneath. Filled with maggots and worms.

Football -What is all that fuss about?

Here I am, reporting live from my hostel caferia, smelling of burgers and still suffering from the leftovers deafening cheers from the football fans earlier.

Now before you jump into conclusion, NO, I am not going to criticize football.  Like why is it exciting watching a bunch of guys chasing over one ball all over the field. NOPE, I totally understand that everyone has different passion in everything. For example, I am passionate about hmmm.. reading? watching dramas? VAMPIRE DIARIES? =D

Since I am rushing to complete my co-curricular individual assignment ( which I am currently at page 50, with 5 more subtopics to go *die* ), I have no other option but to find a place with a high speed Internet connection - hence the reason why I climbed down all the way from the 5th floor all the way down to the cafe.

What I didn't know was - there was an ongoing football match today and they set up a projector ( like those in mamak stalls)  and all the football fans were gathered there! So for hours, I had to endure their screams ( I don't even know whether it came from the guys or girls =.= ) and boos. It was just plain crazy because it seemed like they kept screaming every few minutes and then. Seriously! Well.. it's not like the players could actually hear them right? It really drove me crazy.

Although I still don't quite get what is all the fuss about and I am just grateful that peace is finally back, to end on a happy note, Malaysia did won in the end so I guess as a Malaysian, I should be proud.

MALAYSIA BOLEH!! * is tomorrow a holiday? =D *

teehee~~

Men are from Mars, women are from Venus

If 99.9999999999999999999999999999999% guys are jerks, where on earth am I gonna find that rare 0.0000000000000000000000000001%?  -meichien's theory =D -

Men are from Mars, women are from Venus.

Okay I've never read that book before but I guess the title says it all. And I totally agree.

Why are men and women considered as a perfect pair for each other? I mean both species really do not understand each other. o.O NOT that I'm saying I'm suddenly a homo *NO WAY =.=* but seriously.. Certain things that are deemed as obvious to women, men simply can't see it.

Hmmm.. I am just at this point of my life where I simply do not understand guys and their actions.

Who says only women are complicated? To all the men out there, you are too!

Monday huh.

I'm gonna tell myself not to hope and I'm gonna convince myself that the worst will happen and i'm gonna get crushed again.

Prepare for that excruciating pain and endless flow of tears again.

At least this time, hopefully I can have someone there to fix me and make me smile despite everything.

How I Met Your Mother

Now who would ever thought that the simple idea of telling their kids how they met their mother can actually be made into an awesome show with *if i'm not mistaken* 5 seasons??!!

But seriously, you gotta watch that show!

I know this might sound a bit funny.. But watching a drama series from 1 season to another season is like watching your kids grow. I'm not kidding!!! You follow the characters through the major events in their life , ie falling in love *heck that's the part where usually it's the biggest event in almost every drama series!* and eventually be a part of their life, somehow. haha.

Back to HIMYM, I finished watching 2 seasons already *for now, season 3 next! woohoo* and honestly it's just kinda weird cause even after more than 30 episodes, the audience still has not a clue on how Ted met his wife * THE MOTHER*. However, you actually learn to love the characters and I really truly admire their friendship.

We have Ted Mosby, the architect who is trying to find his 'The One' from 1 episode to another,

 Barney and his obsession with suits and women and his never ending evil plans,

 Lily and Marshall who are the MOST adorable couple ever on TV * seriously! that's what I call soulmates! *

and lastly Robin the journalist who doesn't want to be married but who at the same time is in love with Ted and vice versa but somehow they're just not meant to be *sighs*.

English drama series are just awesome. Not to forget I do follow Vampire Diaries too! woohooo~ I'm a fan of Stefan Salvatore cause I simply deny the theory of ‘男人不坏，女人不爱’ *translation: Women love bad guys* . Even if that theory is true, I insist on being the minority! hehe. Vampire Diaries Season 3 episode 9, imma waiting for you next week!

Oh another of my favourite drama series will be 'Chuck'! I watched hmm.. *don't quite remember* 4 or 5 seasons of it.. It's a comedy/action series. Watch it! ;)

Oh and BREAKING DAWN: PART 1 is finally coming!!! Too bad i'm stuck in the land of the paddy fields. =( I'm just too lazy to take a ride of 45 minutes to go to the nearest cinema. =(
Breaking Dawn is the best out of the 4 books! Must Watch!

Remember how I said I always wanted a teddy bear and I want one from you?

I mentioned I did not want a teddy bear with a heart though and I will cut it out if you bought me one like that.

But you did. You bought me one as my 18th birthday present. A teddy bear holding a heart that says, Love you.

I couldn't bear to cut it out. You told me you chose the softest one. He's really soft and cuddly and I fell in love with my teddy bear, heart or not. Till today, he's the cutest bear to me, no matter how worn out he is getting.

Alas.

When you broke my heart, I ripped the heart out. Tear stricken, I cut it into pieces, watching the cotton fall out bit by bit into the dustbin, filled with rage, anger and betrayal.

Do you feel what I feel?

And this,

is the untold story of my teddy bear.

怎么这首歌好像在唱着给我听？

＊你總是心太軟　心太軟

獨自一個人流淚到天亮

你無怨無悔的愛著那個人

我知道你根本沒那麼堅強

＃你總是心太軟　心太軟

把所有問題　都自己扛

相愛總是簡單　相處太難

不是你的　就別再勉強

＋夜深了你還不想睡

你還在想著他嗎

你這樣癡情到底累不累

明知他不會回來安慰

只不過想好好愛一個人

可惜他無法給你滿分

多餘的犧牲　他不懂心疼

你應該不會只想做個好人

％喔　算了吧　就這樣忘了吧

該放就放　再想也沒有用

傻傻等待　他也不會回來

你總該為自己想想未來

这个世界上最残忍的一句话，不是对不起，也不是我恨你，而是，我们再也回不去。就是这样再简单不过的一句话，生生的将两个原本亲密的人隔为疏离。 没有经历过的人，永远都不会明白，那是怎样的一种切肤之痛。

I guess I just have the tendency to blurt out everything to anyone who is just willing to listen. And whom might not even bother after that.

*bangs head on keyboard*

I'm so damaged inside.

What else can I do besides crying and crying with my heart aching inside with that sinking, empty feeling.

I wonder what we both did to deserve this.

Something once so beautiful that turned out to be a hell of nightmare for the both of us.

I wish I never existed in this world. It wouldn't make any differences after all.

And at least your life wouldn't be ruined.

Little dreams/ To Dos/ Wish List

Just a combination of little things that I've always dreamed of in life which might never really happen :

• To travel to a Europe country : Australia/ New Zealand/ Paris/ New York..
• To own and drive a gorgeous black shiny Honda Accord 
• To go to an actual prom with an actual date
• To drive / have someone to drive me from Melaka to KL and right back just for a car ride
• To find someone that accepts me for who I am, despite all my flaws
• To shop till I drop without any budget constraint
• To make a wish that will actually come true
• To sit and read while having a cup of drink without it being weird in a shop that actually allows that
• To sit in a couple seat in the cinema one day
• To be involved in an event that does charity work
• Might actually go for an exchange before my uni life ends
• To actually have someone to hold me and hug me and tell me that everything is alright when I'm crying my heart out
• To be someone that my friends actually finds comfort in
• To discover an inner talent and something which I really am good in
• To graduate with first class honour
• To love and to be loved in return
• To have a warm bubble bath in a bath tub
• To have the chance to mend the biggest mistake in my life
• To have a peaceful, painless death with no regrets holding me back
• To just drop dead and not have anything to worry anymore

Now who would ever thought that I would be living a nightmare,

and be a person's living nightmare.

=)

=)

Where are you now?

One of your many promises not kept.

ihateyouformakingmesohappyyetsomiserable

当爱一个人，却无法拥有他时，自己面对着一个选择：

放弃还是继续。

包括你在内的很多人都说：放弃吧！不要再浪费青春！你会找到更好的！

但是，自己却明白，自己真的放不下。

如果能放下，根本不会到现在的地步。

所以，当黑夜来临的时候，

我只能孤独的思念一个人。。

都快一年了。。我。。也挣扎了一年。。

我知道自己已经尽力了，也做到最好了。

是你自己已经不珍惜我的存在。。

默默爱你的我，也许总有一天也就会真的放弃了。。

The one moment every girl dreams about..

AN EPIC PROPOSAL....

LOKE'S PROPOSAL

  Dear Mei Chen,

A chance meeting, 13 years and so long ago we cannot even remember exactly where or how it happened has brought us here 13 years later together by anything but chance. I am not one who expresses himself well and especially not for a grave topic such as my undying love for you, but this is what I’ve come up with: you are the blossoming flower in my garden, the clouds in my heaven and the warm sunshine on my chilly days.

Today, I wish to have you with me for the rest of our lives; will you do me the honour of becoming my wife?”

For more info, click here >>>>>
http://www.groupsmore.com/cities/selangor/deals/loke-hing-seong--2

However.... there are haters as well in every situations.. such meanies! >=(

Katie Kitty Chin · Founder at Http://kwebserv.info

Whenever you both need a divorce lawyer, you may contact me.

Reply · Like · Wednesday at 9:31am

Btw, yup.. it's mei chen and not chIen! T.T so sad. haha. May they be sweet and loving and happy forever after!!!!
Wonder when will my moment arrive..teehee~

Imma bored. I don't wanna study. Imma spam my blog. hee~

My 2 in 1 Deepavali + mid term break is over. So here am I back in the land of paddy field after a long approximately 9 hours of journey in a double decker bus. The bus was pretty awesome and well equipped. Comfy chairs, flat screen tv and warm.. Couldn't really sleep well and spent few hours staring out the window in the dark. I guess nothing beats sleeping on a bed. Dropped dead and slept like a log till 2pm after I finished unpacking and cleaning.

I still have leftovers assignments and I barely touched my books. Gone are those resolutions to study during my break. They never work anyway.. I spent my holiday playing online games, watching movies, eating, hanging out occasionally and just doing nothing. I carried all my books all the way down from 5th floor for nothing. =.=

Feeling restless and slightly cranky. I really am so not in the mood to study!! Or to do anything at all in that matter. I just wanna sleep, be alone, and do whatever I like. Urgh. Oh and I have my mid term exams in like what,  3 days time? Dooooooomed!

I have 2 more months to go before sem 1 ends. I just want to drop dead and do nothing. 

*bangs head on keyboard*

Oh I forgot to mention it's 11.11.11 today and I did make a wish upon a cute shiny star in the bus. Wonder will it ever come true, probably not. 

Dear Heart,

Why wouldn't you give up already?



I'm waiting for that someone where I can tell him, 
'You make me believe in myself when nobody else can help.'

I think i'm Pms-ing. How else can I explain this sudden outburst of tears and sadness and depression? How annoying.

I never remembered a dream so real like that particular dream. I don't understand why am I still even dreaming about it. As far as my bad memory serves me.. this is the second time when this dream feels so real. I mean god damn real as in my mind it's really happening. Every touch, every words. I can actually feel my heart letting out a relieved sigh, Urgh. And imagine the moment I woke up and 'pang' reality hit me, and I realized that it was all just a dream. Subconscious mind, can you please stop pulling this horrible sick joke on me?

I have been wondering.. and still am wondering.. How do you let go of a person who once was a huge part of your life? I mean how could you? This is the same person who used to your best friend, the one you seek comfort in, the one who talked to you every single bloody day.. How? How can you walk past that person and act like you guys never knew each other?

I am truly sorry I really don't know how and I can't. God knows what my problem is but it's so damn hard. I guess it's a mistake to care too much you know?

Urgh.

I just can't. damn it.