Elephant Shoe

I'm sorry it took me four whole months to realize my mistakes when everything might be too late already.
If I were a time machine, I would have turned time and avoid doing what I did back then.
If only I knew what I now know four months ago.


Will you ever forgive everything I did?
See me as how you did before?
Will I have another chance?
Or is everything simply too late?


I want to change to a better person.
But I want to do it with you by my side.


I might be only 18, 
but my heart is yelling at me strongly,
knowing clearly what it wants.
It feels so broken,
It yearns for you.


Am I your last thought everyday?
I don't know.
But I do know that you are my first and last though,
every day and night.


God heard my prayers and sent you to me.
Yet, I took you for granted.
Will He hear my prayer this time again?


If it is simply fated for me to lose you,
I shall make a personal promise to myself.
That I will stay this way as long as you're still in my heart.
Or until I've considered myself to be worth loved by another again.
Till then,
I will be hoping secretly everyday,
that somehow you will turn back again.


I shall learn to live with  the pain in my heart,
And the endless regrets I have.


The only last words that I need to tell you,
'Elephant shoe'.

If I die young

If I die young, bury me in satin

Lay me down on a, bed of roses

Sink me in the river, at dawn

Send me away with the words of a love song

Uh oh, uh oh

Lord make me a rainbow, I'll shine down on my mother

She'll know I'm safe with you when she stands under my colors, oh and

Life ain't always what you think it ought to be, no

Ain't even grey, but she buries her baby

The sharp knife of a short life, well

I've had, just enough time

If I die young, bury me in satin

Lay me down on a, bed of roses

Sink me in the river, at dawn

Send me away with the words of a love song

The sharp knife of a short life, well

I've had, just enough time

And I'll be wearing white, when I come into your kingdom

I'm as green as the ring on my little, cold finger, I've

Never known the lovin' of a man

But it sure felt nice when he was holding my hand, there's a

Boy here in town says he'll, love my forever

Who would have thought forever could be severed by

The sharp knife of a short life, well

I've had, just enough time

So put on your best boys and I'll wear my pearls

What I never did is done

A penny for my thoughts, oh no, I'll sell them for a dollar

They're worth so much more after I'm a goner

And maybe then you'll hear the words I been singin'

Funny when your dead how people start listenin'

If I die young, bury me in satin

Lay me down on a, bed of roses

Sink me in the river, at dawn

Send me away with the words of a love song

Uh oh (uh, oh)

The ballad of a dove (uh, oh)

Go with peace and love

Gather up your tears, keep 'em in your pocket

Save them for a time when your really gonna need them, oh

The sharp knife of a short life, well

I've had, just enough time

So put on your best boys and I'll wear my pearls

A New Chapter - Definitely!

     41 days and I am definitely counting down!

     Yup! I am counting down to the days before I can finally leave matriculation for good! Now, the thought of that definitely brings a small smile to my face no matter how rough my day went. The day when I can finally leave the big gate of Kolej Matrikulasi Negeri Sembilan, and not turning back ever again! Definitely not a drop of tears will fall from the brink of my eye.. Back to my only sanctuary in this world, my room! Home at last! Yet.. the inevitable last challenge -- my final examination, which of course determines my future. Sounds like I am exaggerating but I am definitely not! Like it or not, I definitely need to push hard, and hard *yea i know it sounds like I'm giving birth =.= * and grasp that 4.0 in my hand firmly! or else...............

     My future will definitely be going down the drain in the blink of an eye.......... Blink! blink! blink! Gone the dream of being a filthy rich accountant... Nooooooooooooo............. 

     Gee... I'm not even halfway writing this and I have definitely used the word ' definitely ' SIX times.. No.. add that to the list, SEVEN times definitely! make that EIGHT. scratch that.

      I was just reading through the biography of the one and only Tan Sri Lim Goh Tong, the founder of Genting Highlands * Not that we are not aware of.. hee * for the purpose of my Business tutorial homework. At times, it really struck me as inconceivable for one person to built an entire empire with just his bare hands. After all, those billionaires like Vincent Tan, Robert Kwok and others * My memory really sucks * are just humans like you and me! In short, I simply can't imagine that I will ever be like them, definitely  not, in the future. I guess honestly I don't really dream big anymore. I will be contented with having a stable, secured, respected and of course a good income job. Yea.. That will do.. I don't really need to be a billionaire. * LOL * But there is just one thing that recently struck me, having a life with all the riches in the world yet having no one to share your happiness is just plain sad. and lonely. Now, that is definitely a gloomy thought.

     Anyway, I definitely really salute inspiring people like them for having the guts to bring alive an idea and managed to persevere and finally be who they are today. I guess that is what makes them different from me and you. Do you know the idea of building Genting Highlands  was conceived when Tan Sri Lim Goh Tong was having dinner in Cameron Highlands? His history is fascinating in a way.

     Oh yea.. I am definitely straying from what I wanted to say initially..

     Our life stories are actually just like a story book. Instead of just flipping through the pages, we are living it out in reality, one day after another. So here am I today, just wondering what lies ahead in those pages, what more life experiences will I have to go through, and finally, till the day when the last page of my life will be written. Unlike story books where somehow we just know that the ending will be a happy one or we can simply turn to the last page of the book to see how everything ends, life simply doesn't work out like that. Or there will not be any heartbreaks in life, who is willing to get hurt, right? Though at times, when I feel really down, I wish that I can flip a few pages and skip to the part where I will be happy again. Indirectly, each and every one of us are our own author of our own lives. Some choose to end his or her story short.

     In roughly about 6 months more, I will be entering another phase of my life, university life! Another chapter! I am definitely hoping that things will look up then. But the higher you hope, the harder you crush, no? I guess I just want to have an enjoyable university life, having fun friends and simply waking up smiling everyday at the rising sun! * LOL * that sounds a bit wrong for the typical emo mei chien. hee..

     I am naggy. Do not complain. hehe. I will just end this post here then. with a full stop. . there! the biggest one! Opps! alright, the real full stop then!