Don't you know, that promises not kept, are lies?

- The saddest thing in life is when you meet someone who means a lot you,

only to find out in the end that it was never meant to be

and you just have to let go -

The girl was awakened by the loud splattering of rain and the ghostly howling sound of the wind outside her bedroom's window. 


There was a flash of lightning, followed by the booming sound of a thunder. 


Even for a growing adolescent, for a moment, she felt scared.


How she longed he was there.


To wrap his arms around her, to feel the warmth from his body, to feel a sense of security, for him to just say, ' It's alright, I'm here'. 


She snapped out of that thought and told herself not to be silly.


She sat up and closed the window, softening the sounds of the rain, and lie back in the dark. 


The girl then reached out for her teddy bear, cuddling it tightly against her chest, and let it's softness drift her back to sleep. 

Thought of the day :

Am I stupid not to let you go, or are you stupid to let me go?

I got a broadband today! And since I have so much free time now till September, I guess I'll be a regular blogger. Perhaps daily, if I feel the need to express myself.

There's a huge difference between emo and sadness. Honestly, I don't quite know how people define emo. Always feeling down, perhaps? Maybe that is the old me, or maybe I am still the same. I suppose I cannot judge myself. But I am honestly making an effort. Heck, I even went to Popular to buy a book entitled ' The power of positive thinking' that costs me approximately RM44! That is the most expensive book I ever bought ( I consider it under the 'story books' category).

I am not emo. I am just sad. It is beyond my control. Something, or perhaps someone hurt me extremely deeply. I can feel the pain, the tears that are so near. Sounds dramatic to you? Everyone has a vulnerable spot. I guess I found mine, the hard way. I am not good with words so I can't quite describe it. I'll put it this way. You left your heart with someone, put all your trust, ever once expecting him to crush it... And one day, that person returns your heart to you, crushed into pieces. It sounds silly saying it out, but it's what I felt. Not that that person can be blamed totally. I did foolish things that I regretted badly, and I guess you can say this is my punishment, even though my heart refuses to believe that things are too late to be mended. I don't know what are you thinking.. I really don't..

I tried my best. My very best. I am so tired.

Relationships are depressing? I feel sad too.. seeing other people breaking up. Really, really sad. I've learned my lesson. 

Oh well, I do feel much better already.. 

Sowie that my bloggie seems depressing.. hehe..

I'm fine. :)

I never wanted to leave you.

I am just a girl..

Seaching for a place in the world..

Still am searching for a direction in life..

Srill figuring what lies ahead of me..

Still trying to understand all the mysteries in life..

Still trying to believe in fate..

Still seeking for happiness..

I've turned into a monster.

I opened my mail.

and somehow just clicked on one of our old emails.

It relfected joy and happiness,

It ended with an ' I love you'.

My heart,

felt so sour.

overwhelmed with sadness.

haunted by endless regrets.

I am sorry.

more sorry that I have ever been.

It was the biggest mistake in my life.

One that I can never undo,

isn't it?

如果我不主动理你、你是不是打算一輩子也不理我了?

这。。并不是我写的。。但它，却说出我的心声。。

如果我不主动理你、你是不是打算一輩子也不理我了?

我们两个都在线

如果我不主动理你

你是不是打算一辈子也不理我了?

如果有一天

我不再放下所有的骄傲去打扰你

如果有一天

你再也看不到

我唯独对你永远隐身可见的头像再一次跳动

你会不会有那么一刻感到忧伤?

女孩子跟男生不一样的

男生主动一点

别人会说他勇敢追求自己的爱情

可是女生不同

她会怕……

怕如果自己不管不顾地打扰你

会惹得你不高兴

怕跟你的对话框里

只有自己说的话

安静地忧伤

怕自己的主动

换来你的不珍惜

所以男生

你们不要以为

她不主动理你便是不在乎你

相反

也许是太在乎你

她才会有那么多的怕

要记得

就算她没有主动理你

你也不可以那么小心眼得跟她生气、不理她

你是男生

幸福……

由你带动

" When I was with you I saw a different side and if the world sees half of what I saw in you they'll love it and I know you'll be great "

That was really sweet. It is moment like this, no matter how brief it is, that I catch a rare glimpse of the guy I fell in love with. 

Nevertheless, it was gone within seconds.

      - You can never ' just be friends' with the person you fall in love with -

I've been carrying on with my daily routines, trying to push all of these aside. Yet, I cannot deny the emptiness, the hurt and the sadness that still haunt me.

Going to places we've been, doing things that we once did together,

I feel so empty, wishing so much you are here with me.

But you'll never know.

I know this is the most important time in your life, where you decide your own future.

But do you realize,

This is also the moment that determines whether I stay or leave.

Or perhaps, it isn't important to you.

" I don't know what to say"

Do you know how much that always hurt?

If I do not seek comfort in you, will I tell you things that are troubling me?

Sometimes, it's not what you can tell me.

It's the simple how are you, cheer up , i'm here for you that brings away the sorrow.

I concluded.

I can be there for you, anytime of the day.

But you can never be there for me anymore, even during my lowest moments.

I am sorry.

I am in no place to judge.

I know you are trying, putting in efforts.

Thanks.

I can only pray that things will get better.

But I will accept it either way.

You cannot compare.

When I was with you, you brought out another side of me.

Happiness came from within.

I could never stop smiling.

Everything felt so right.

There was no worries.

But when you left,

You brought her away together with you.

And I,

Started finding the old mei chien, the one before you came into her life.

But she'll never be the same anymore.

Her heart is filled with scars that will never be healed, memories that stab her, promises not kept,

And the betrayal of life.

She smiles, 

But she still have moments of silence tears.

You will never know.

But at the end of the day,

She wipes her tears.

cleans up,

and face the world again with a smile.

Time, will decide everything.

We'll see.

Stay strong.

I wish you the best in life.

I will still support you silently, 

whether you acknowledge it or not.

But I will neither make a fool out of myself again.

     - Love, does it brings joy, or does it only just gives us more reasons to cry? -

I'm fine. =)