A New Chapter - Definitely!

     41 days and I am definitely counting down!

     Yup! I am counting down to the days before I can finally leave matriculation for good! Now, the thought of that definitely brings a small smile to my face no matter how rough my day went. The day when I can finally leave the big gate of Kolej Matrikulasi Negeri Sembilan, and not turning back ever again! Definitely not a drop of tears will fall from the brink of my eye.. Back to my only sanctuary in this world, my room! Home at last! Yet.. the inevitable last challenge -- my final examination, which of course determines my future. Sounds like I am exaggerating but I am definitely not! Like it or not, I definitely need to push hard, and hard *yea i know it sounds like I'm giving birth =.= * and grasp that 4.0 in my hand firmly! or else...............

     My future will definitely be going down the drain in the blink of an eye.......... Blink! blink! blink! Gone the dream of being a filthy rich accountant... Nooooooooooooo............. 

     Gee... I'm not even halfway writing this and I have definitely used the word ' definitely ' SIX times.. No.. add that to the list, SEVEN times definitely! make that EIGHT. scratch that.

      I was just reading through the biography of the one and only Tan Sri Lim Goh Tong, the founder of Genting Highlands * Not that we are not aware of.. hee * for the purpose of my Business tutorial homework. At times, it really struck me as inconceivable for one person to built an entire empire with just his bare hands. After all, those billionaires like Vincent Tan, Robert Kwok and others * My memory really sucks * are just humans like you and me! In short, I simply can't imagine that I will ever be like them, definitely  not, in the future. I guess honestly I don't really dream big anymore. I will be contented with having a stable, secured, respected and of course a good income job. Yea.. That will do.. I don't really need to be a billionaire. * LOL * But there is just one thing that recently struck me, having a life with all the riches in the world yet having no one to share your happiness is just plain sad. and lonely. Now, that is definitely a gloomy thought.

     Anyway, I definitely really salute inspiring people like them for having the guts to bring alive an idea and managed to persevere and finally be who they are today. I guess that is what makes them different from me and you. Do you know the idea of building Genting Highlands  was conceived when Tan Sri Lim Goh Tong was having dinner in Cameron Highlands? His history is fascinating in a way.

     Oh yea.. I am definitely straying from what I wanted to say initially..

     Our life stories are actually just like a story book. Instead of just flipping through the pages, we are living it out in reality, one day after another. So here am I today, just wondering what lies ahead in those pages, what more life experiences will I have to go through, and finally, till the day when the last page of my life will be written. Unlike story books where somehow we just know that the ending will be a happy one or we can simply turn to the last page of the book to see how everything ends, life simply doesn't work out like that. Or there will not be any heartbreaks in life, who is willing to get hurt, right? Though at times, when I feel really down, I wish that I can flip a few pages and skip to the part where I will be happy again. Indirectly, each and every one of us are our own author of our own lives. Some choose to end his or her story short.

     In roughly about 6 months more, I will be entering another phase of my life, university life! Another chapter! I am definitely hoping that things will look up then. But the higher you hope, the harder you crush, no? I guess I just want to have an enjoyable university life, having fun friends and simply waking up smiling everyday at the rising sun! * LOL * that sounds a bit wrong for the typical emo mei chien. hee..

     I am naggy. Do not complain. hehe. I will just end this post here then. with a full stop. . there! the biggest one! Opps! alright, the real full stop then!

    
    

No Shouting

I shouldn't be coming online today as I will be starting my mid semester examination tomorrow. Yet, I could not resist sharing this short and simple yet meaningful tale that I came across while reading the newspaper today. It is stories like this that often makes us reflect back on ourselves and those little things that we did in our past. If you have the extra time, do read this. This is taken from HEART & SOUL , starmag, sunday 9 January 2011.

ONCE a professor asked his students:  "Why do we shout in anger? Why do people shout at each other when they are upset? " The students thought for a while before one of them said, "We shout because we lose our clam."

" But why shout when the other person is just next to you? Isn't it possible to speak to him or her with a soft voice?"

The students gave various answers, none which satisfied the professor.

Finally he explained:"When two people are angry with each other, their hearts distance. To cover that distance, they must shout to be able to hear each other. The angrier they are, the louder they will have to shout to hear each other through that great distance."

Then he asked :" What happens when two people fall in love? They don't shout at each other but talk softly. Why? Because their hearts are very close. The distance between them is very small."

"When they love each other more, what happens? They do not even need to whisper. They only look at each other, that's all. That is how close two people are when they love each other."

      So, when you argue, do not let your hearts get distant or say words that distance each other even more, or there may come a day when the distance is so great you will not find the path back to each other.

** The Internet has become a wonderful medium for passing around heart-warming and thought-provoking stories like this tale. Most claim to be true or based on fact. Even if they are hard to verify, the messages they carry are worth sharing.

I will

I will tell myself,
I will find a better someone.
One that appreciates me,
One that seeks comfort in me,
One who adores me,
One who i can lean on,
One that stays with me through thick and thin,
One who trusts me and vice versa ,
One who will not make me cry,
One who will give me numerous lovely memories.

I am not asking for a perfect someone. Just a someone that loves me sincerely for who I am and who will always be my pillar of strength.A reason for me to wake up everyday. A reason for me to smile.
I am not perfect myself. I am just a growing adolescent, trying to find a place in this world. I am still searching for myself, and changing myself  constantly to be a better person. Through life experiences, I see my flaws clearer. Life is challenging, no doubt. Time moves on, whether we are ready or not for it.

This post is rather random I suppose. Just felt frustrated after studying. Somehow, I can never understand how someone can study non-stop for hours. I wonder where do they find the motivation to do it. Rather than releasing my frustration on anyone, blogging is definitely a better choice. Even though I have to sit outside the corridor and feed myself to mosquitoes.Nevertheless, it's worth it. It's nice to let out my thoughts. I am always so full of them. Guess that is what happens when we think too much.

My mid semester examination will be in 2 days time. I am suppose to panic, feel stressed, everything. Yet, I still feel so lazy. I am pretty much doomed. Will I be as lucky for this time as well? I'm gonna cross my fingers. And toes. =S One mark, can make such a huge difference. Life is indeed depressing. haha.

Low battery. Oops. My cue to stop.

A whole new year - ready ? or not ?

There. Year 2010. It flew by me.

What have I done during the whole year?

Hmm... 

I guess I am just too lazy to think it through.

No doubt, it was eventful,

Just like every other year.

So..

Am i excited about the New year, 2011?

I guess you can say i'm not.

Hah.

Was i counting down the other night?

Nope. Was sleeping already.

Hah.

Do I have any New Year resolutions?

Lemme think..

* One second later*

Nope.

Hah.

LOL

I guess a new year doesn't bring anything special to me.

There isn't anything exciting for me to look forward to i guess.

It's not that i am emo.. 

Noooo...

It's just that it feels like every other day to me.

That's all..   =)

OH WAIT..

Not to forget, 

I am really getting older. 

I feel like my youth is slipping past me already..

Nooooooo....

See.. 

i'll be 19

then 20

next 25

30

40

50???!!!

oh crap... 

I miss being young!!!

ALREADY!

LOL

I sound so crappy.

Oh well..

My mid sem is in one week's time..

AND YET,

I feel soo lazy..

And bored.

Gosh I hope i get into a good university.

=(

UM PLS!

OR UPM WILL DO TOO!

Last choice- UUM...

That is like miles apart from home.

Sigh.

Anyway,

Happy New Year to everyone!

It's time to put our past behind,

Hold your head up high,

And simply move on.

=D

LET'S JUST HOPE THAT THIS YEAR BRINGS MORE JOY THAN SADNESS TO ALL OF US!

P/S: blogging is fun I guess. At least I have a place to channel out my thoughts. though it feels like i'm talking to myself. LOL.

Somebody out there

Sittin' all alone in your room
Thinkin' that the world's let you down
All you ever wanted to do is trust someone to always be around
You've had a lot of lessons to learn from
Some of them hit you so hard
And I keep believing someday you'll see, you don't have to be alone

There's somebody out there, somebody somewhere to show you the tenderness you need
Somebody to hold you when worries control you
I'd give anything if only you knew it was me

*Somebody out there - David Archuleta *

       Do you really believe that there is somebody for you out there? That he/she will stay by you through thick and thin, yet loving you just the same way he/she loved you before? Or am i merely quoting a fairy tale happy ending?

 

Have you?

Have you

Ever felt as if there are more things that bring sadness to you compared to happiness?

Have you

Ever felt like crying your heart out, 

yet knowing there will be no one to comfort you?

Have you

Ever in your time of joy, or the lowest moment of your life,

Scrolled from the top to the bottom of the name list of your cell phone

yet finding no one to turn to?

Have you 

Ever found a special someone that you naively thought always will be your pillar of strength, 

Never to disappoint you nor inflicting pain,

Yet discovering that it was all a short dream after all?

Have you

Ever felt like closing your eyes, letting yourself drift to the ever peaceful dreamland,your only haven,

Never to wake up again?

Well if you have not encountered such situations,

Allow me to congratulate you,

You are one lucky person.

 

The future

When I was just a little girl,

I asked my mother,

What will I be?

Will i be pretty?

Will I be rich?

Here's what she said to me.

Que sera sera,

Whatever will be, will be,

The future's not ours to see,

Que sera sera,
What will be, will be.                                                   

- Doris Day ' Que Sera Sera' -                                                 

A sweet song about the future.

The future. It never fails in making us wonder, leaving us with doubts. Always questions, but never answers.

A year before this, it never crossed my mind that I will end up where I am right now. Sometimes, when I take a look back in  the past, it never fails to amaze me. The future certainly has it's fair share of surprises for me. I have done things I told myself I will never do, my mind and perspective on things took a turn around.

We've come across crossroads, where one wrong decision will leave us filled with regrets for the rest of our life. Such a big impact, scary in it's own way, a nightmare for some. That is why, I am no fan in making huge decision, where the responsibility and burden it holds is too heavy for me.

Soon, I will be faced in such dilemma again. High school life was easy, as I happily accepted whatever that was thrown to me. Lower secondary, there was PMR to aim for. Upper secondary, there was SPM to strive for. 

They say, ' You will know it when you know '. However, I never seem to know anything. I secretly envy and admire those who seem to just know what they want in life, what they want to be in the future. Almost already 18 years of my life spent, yet I never seem to uncover any hidden talent or interest in anything. It's like being in the middle of everything, neither liking it or hating it.

Loving money and dreaming to be filthy rich someday, I thought, hey maybe I can be an accountant. Thus, a drastic change in the subjects I took. From a pure Science student, now an Art student, I am still left undecided of what I want to be in the future.

Friends, acquaintances, told me that my personality does not suit an accountant.  True in a way i guess. But, what is my true personality anyway? Am i bubbly? Am I emo? Am I antisocial? Am I difficult to deal with? Different people has different opinions on me. Which do i follow? Many has suggested me to major in Law. Even a lecturer here did! And that is a suggestion that i will consider deeply. As for accountancy, I might rule it out after all, but not merely because everyone told me to.

A friend of mine told me this the other day, " You are not born to be good in anything, but you learn to be good in it" ( if you are reading this, thanks for all those advices! =) ). No matter where I end up in the future, whether I am living my dream life, or dreading to go to work everyday, it is where I will be for the rest of my life. And only the the future me truly knows. 

A lifetime decision is made in a split second. 

Just like everyone out there, I hope I will make the right one.