Melaka sadly speaking is a place filled with sorrows for me. I left with a broken heart and now I am back to face them all. And having my best friend in India and no one to go shopping and food hunting with, it's pretty lonely and depressing.
I have changed a lot, haven't I? The way I think, the way I dress, the way I mingle around.. I grew up. For better? or for worse?
I think I am a person that detach myself from feeling too deep. And the break up certainly pushed me more towards it.
You know those moments when you have to leave somewhere or someone and everyone starts to hug each other and cry? I despise those moments. And unlike others, I hold back my tears and pull myself away from the sadness, refusing to let it overwhelm me. It is not because I do not care, I am simply afraid to 'feel too much'. I really am. The less I feel, the less hurt I'll be, no?
Have you ever been to camps or motivational talks and all those where they ask you to close your eyes and start making you explore your past? your feelings? I refuse to do all that. No one knows of course. I do not want to open those closed up thoughts, sadness, boxes of memories stored at the back of my head. I simply detach myself. I am afraid to feel hurt. To explore my feelings. I can't. And I just can't. Perhaps, one day, when I finally meet that someone that I can unload my thoughts, my bottled feelings without feeling afraid.
My blog certainly stores a lot of secrets. Part of me that is unknown to others. You may not like what you see here, but this is me, peeling away those layers, revealing those secret thoughts, major events in my life.
This is my story.
"Everybody has a secret world inside of them. All of the people of the world, I mean everybody. No matter how dull and boring they are on the outside, inside them they've all got unimaginable, magnificent, wonderful, stupid, amazing worlds. Not just one world. Hundreds of them. Thousands maybe."~Neil Gaiman
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