Much have happened since the last time i posted a new post here. I guess i just feel the need to express everything out and get them out of my mind. Everything will be a little bit disorganized as i am just going to write whatever that comes into my mind right now.
I guess i can say that i don't really enjoy life here very much. I miss my secondary class environment, especially one that uses English as the medium of interaction. Here, most of the time i speak using BM and Chinese. English that was once a language that i used all the time became the one that i least use right now. Not to condemn or underestimate anyone ( I know that my English is just average) , even during English lessons, speaking in English is difficult for most of my classmates. It is a challenge trying to understand what are they trying to express. And it certainly bores me out during English lessons most of the time. Heck, even Mr Harry's English classes were more interesting. At least i get to watch Sound of music and The devil wears prada. I am also starting to worry about my English Muet Speaking. It is around the corner, maybe few weeks after Raya. There is this part where we have to do group discussion. If my group members ( most likely my classmates ) have difficulty understanding what am trying to say, then how are we going to communicate? If i really do get a low band, not because i cannot speak, but because of my group members, how can this be fair to me? Will my English starts to deteriorate?
I think that i offended quite a number of my classmates unintentionally. I am sorry that i am an emotional person who has various mood swings all the time. My emotions rule over me. Maybe some felt hurt by my words or actions. Today, in fact just an hour ago, one of my classmates asked me in a straight forward manner, " Why are Melaka people rude?" I was speechless. Then she added, " Well, most. " Of course i felt hurt. I am not being paranoid i hope. But there is a high possibility that she aimed that question at me. I really didn't know what to say. I guess it is my own fault. I don't click much with them anyway. Different frequency. Besides, life here is so routine that i just go through day by day blindly. Most of the time i am sleepy in class and when it comes to me being sleep deprived, do stay far away. I am a cranky person when i don't get enough sleep. =(
Have you ever realized that having a peaceful and quiet environment is such a luxury? Well, it certainly is to me here. Roommates can really test your patience at times. My roommates are okay overall i guess but one of my roommates just love to on her music out loud on her hand phone. And when she is not doing that, she sings. I can't decide which is worse. If two of my other roommates can use ear phones so why can't she? I myself feel uncomfortable and guilty if i blast my songs out loud..I am not trying to badmouth her ( yea.. i feel a bit guilty ) but there is others around you that might not enjoy listening to your songs. And during this festive season, i understand her excitement in welcoming Hari Raya but....sigh.. Sometimes i need to study. And who likes being disturbed when they are sleeping right? This morning i woke up about 5 plus because they are talking loudly during " Sahur " . I was really toying with the idea of waking up straight and go to my friend's room. But i overheard them saying they want to go back to sleep so i waited for them to finish eating and just go back to sleep. okay.. Maybe i am selfish. I guess i can't expect everyone to follow what i want. I can only be grateful that the radio she brought is here is spoilt. hehe.
Ahhhh.... I am a person that complains a lot , don't I? haha. This is just my nature i guess. There's this guy that always ask " Hey what's your complain today?" every time i bump into him. =.=" Not funny. hehe. I do have friends here that are nice,mostly Chinese. They are pretty much a bunch of amusing people. Though, they like to tease me and make fun of me. Sure, my chinese isn't really that wonderful and i do mispronounce some of the words and maybe sometimes i don't understand some words. But, at least i can write and speak in Chinese ( no offence to bananas, hehe ). And is my movement and actions when i talk that exaggerating? I don't understand why do they like to mimic me. I really do not do it intentionally. T.T haha. Anyway, they are going to KL this week for fun and invited me. I am still hesitating to go or not. Should I or shouldn't I? That is the question. LOL. I kinda spent a lot of money already last month. About RM350. I am starting to get so spendthrift. Yikes!
Well.. I do feel much much better now after voicing all my thoughts out. Life is a non stop process. It can be tired at tines. At times, when my thoughts are just wandering freely, I wonder to myself ,"What on Earth are we searching for our life? ". We humans are never satisfied with what we have. I used to wish secondary will be over quickly, but now that it is over, i miss those days. At least i have friends that i have known for years to laugh, talk and being made fun of. At least i was in a comfortable environment. Now, everyone is scattered everywhere, living their own life as it is. Do not get me wrong. I am grateful that i managed to secure a place in matriculation. My only aim here is to get 4.0 flat and further my studies in a good university. And perhaps one day, just one day, when you come across a skyscraper, there on the highest floor, is my big and grand office. hehe. A girl can dream. ;-)
